I got triggered again last week. My husband said something that was poorly worded, I took it personally, lashed out at him, triggered him, he got defensive, which triggered me even further, and before we knew it we were both angry and hurt.
This used to be a daily occurrence, consistently triggering each other by our reactions, continuing into a downward spiral until we were yelling, crying, or not speaking. It happens far less now, but it still happens sometimes. And what we've learned over the past few years is that when we start to trigger each other, when we start to react out of hurt and anger and insecurity, it probably means our quality time is lacking. When we look back on the past month, the evidence speaks for itself.
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The short answer is yes, yes absolutely marriage counseling can work. Notice I said can. It doesn't always work, and there are a few things you may want to consider before jumping in head first.
First of all, for marriage counseling to be effective, both partners need to be on board. If only one is invested in it, it will most likely be one sided, and will lead to resentment, which can further damage the relationship rather than healing it.
That's not to say counseling can't help your marriage though, even if your partner isn't interested in going.
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Three years ago, my life was a freaking mess. My stress level was through the roof, I was yelling at my kid all the time, and my marriage was far more broken than I even realized at the time. I had started attending seminars that were billed as business teachings, but really were so much more, and had learned quite a bit about why I was struggling in life. One of the things I learned was that a husband is supposed to be the leader of the house. Maybe this is something that makes you say duh. Or maybe you believe this is an antiquated notion that has no place in this day and age. Either way, what I'm sharing in this post can still be relevant to you, pinky promise.
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My husband did something that really made me mad yesterday. Like, I wanted to condemn him, and stomp off and slam the door kind of mad. Was it really that bad? Probably not. But that's not the point. Did I give in to my feelings? To some degree, yes. And as I stood in my bedroom scrolling my phone, this voice whispered to me, love is a choice, an action, not a feeling.
See, you can feel love from another and for another person. That much is true. But it fades, on both ends. And when it fades, you have a choice. You can either let it fade away like the daylight, or you can choose to show love. And sometimes you will be faced with the choice to show love even when you FEEL mad.
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